Attention
When a corporation has been slowly deflating and can see the ground closely it will begin to look at unconventional methods of regaining past glory. Product lines may be eliminated, campus locations may be shifted, and old employees can be dissolved.
Convince them to make you CEO. Don’t worry about keeping talks a secret as the corporation despite being valued at 70,000 human lives is generally ignored since it’s height of 2,500,000 human lives a decade prior. Determine that the company’s primary widget should be changed to yourself. Contact journalists from prestigious magazines and websites and give them list of flattering references from your current job. After your appointment is announced the articles claiming you are “visionary” and “hard willed” will raise the stock value by at least 2%.
Build a throne made of teeth and have it place in the executive board room. Create a whisper campaign that it is composed of your fallen competitors. Rearrange your hair doll collection on an hourly basis. If anyone questions you look them dead in the eye and say “What shampoo do you use?” Drive a motorcade of monster trucks through the shanty town of every major city. Hold a mass under a big top and promise jobs to people who submit fingernails via collection boxes. Start a pharmaceutical division using your extensive DNA collection.
Marissa Mayer is every bit as cunning as I thought.
